The People You Meet: "Where are you 'at'?

A friend recently reached out and asked where I was ‘at’. His use of quotation marks meant he wasn’t looking to hear that I was at Starbucks ordering a double-shot latte. The question made me pause, self-check and think - the reaction which met the questions intended purpose. Where was I ‘at’, really?

The question was timely and insightful. I’d slowly fallen into a cycle of chasing opportunities and experiences without much thought. "Fear of missing out" (aka FOMO) driven by an egoistic desire to ‘live life to its fullest because life is short’. Cliché. 

A potentially toxic alchemy of ambiguity stoked by social media, mid-life ‘crisis’, rejection, redirection and an incessant fear of not achieving my ‘so-called potential’. Somewhat ironically, in worrying about ‘not achieving my potential’, I was straying further from my potential - and further from my sense of “purpose” as a result.

What mountain are you climbing?

There are literally thousands of quotes about ‘purpose’ – I know this because I’ve spent more hours than I care to admit reading Instagram "inspirational quote" posts looking for answers that I already have. My favourite comes courtesy of Friedrich Nietzsche:

“He who has a ‘why’ to live for can bear almost any,‘how’”. 

Essentially, be brave enough to live the life you want to live, according to your vision and your purpose instead of the expectations and opinions of others.  A simple quote yet hard to execute in practice… Hence why the, “I’m at Starbucks,” response to the well-intentioned question would’ve been an easier answer.

When I was in my late 20s and 30s I invested a lot of time ‘chasing summits’, both real and proverbial. I cringe when I write that.  Don’t get me wrong – it was a LOT of fun. I saw incredible parts of the world, experienced unique moments, developed deep friendships, and achieved some pretty big goals both in my career and in climbing mountains across the Himalayas, Andes and Alps. During this time I spent my time managing a fine line between a supportive corporate employer and cold hypoxic basecamps. Plus a lot of hard work and grit in between. And it was 100% worth it – all the conscious choices, decisions and investments. 

At the time, mountain summits were my purpose.  And I did well in working incredibly hard to maintain a steady focus in pursuing them, even knocking off a few big ones along the way… 

But did this truly fulfil me and feed a deeper desire to do ‘something more’…?  Well, honestly, no, not really.

I first discovered climbing in 2008 as the result of a break-up. Let’s be brutally honest – I got dumped. I escaped to the Himalayas to ‘heal’ and I joined a small expedition to climb Mera Peak, a 6300m “trekking peak” in the Everest region. I knew very little about mountaineering, had little experience, and was woefully unprepared. 

Three challenging weeks later our team reached the summit and I looked over a panorama of Himalayan giants framed against a cloudless blue sky. It was absolutely breathtaking. I knew that despite everything that I’d gone through to get there (it definitely hadn’t been easy), that there was no place on Earth I’d rather be. The boyfriend was forgotten and a new ‘passion’ for seeing the world from a different perspective had taken hold.  And off I went… 

This passion fed my ‘ego’ for a while - something I really needed at the time.  I aligned with an inspiring tribe of people that ‘understood’ my drive and helped me achieve my career and summit-goals. This included a number of kind and patient guides who became life-mentors and coaches as much as they were mountain guides. The insights and lessons that I learned from them and from my experiences helped build self-awareness, courage, confidence, and develop discipline and inner strength to see through barriers and overcome challenge. Mountains were the vehicle and the people I met along the way were the enablers to help unlock who I was, what ‘drove’ me, and most importantly what ‘fuelled’ my soul. 

Over twenty-five expeditions later climbing, trekking, biking and skiing in countries around the world I began to realise that what actually sparked me, what made my eyes light up and put ‘fire in my soul’ was so much more than mountain summits. The spark was so much more than ‘conquering’ trails, setting records, and looking for the ‘rah-rah-rah’ from a ‘like’ or a ‘retweet’… 

What truly sparked me and activated my energy was people. More specifically, sharing the journey in getting to some of these far-flung places (mentally and physically), the lessons learned along the way and, in some small way, prompting others to say ‘yes’ to stepping outside of their own metaphorical comfort zones. 

I came to this realisation very early in the pursuit of my climbing journey, but found myself downplaying it due to a strange inner drive to continue on my ‘summit-bagging path’ because it was the obvious, easier and more social-media friendly one. 

I began to deprioritise my authentic self and treated my true passion as a secondary by-product. I'm not sure I knew quite where I was 'at', at the time.

The day the earth moved…

After a while, I unsurprisingly found that feeding my ego through summits was no longer fulfilling or fuelling me. This was underlined during the 2015 Nepal earthquake, an event that shook me to my core.  

At the time of the earthquake, I was in Tibet, fully acclimatised and mid-way through an expedition to climb Shishapangma and Cho Oyu, two of the highest mountains in the world. My goal was to climb both mountains back-to-back in one season – this had only ever been done by one other woman. It was a big meaty challenge and one I’d worked and trained hard for. Lots of discipline, commitment, courage and creativity. 

I was passionate about the projects success. My journey was even being filmed as part of a short documentary and the small handful of social-media followers I had were being appropriately ‘spammed’ with updates on my progress. I’d been raising money for several incredible charities. I felt like I was doing the expedition for all the right reasons – checking all the boxes, so to speak. And on the surface I was – and it was all going to plan.  

The earthquake very quickly changed all that. Not only did it put an abrupt end to the expedition, it also prompted an immediate refocus mentally as well as physically. It challenged my purpose at its very core. 

In a way, it was karma’s way of saying, ‘where are you ‘at’?, and forcing an almost obvious answer.

Staying in Nepal following the earthquake was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. The calling was so intense that I can still feel it today, nearly 4 years on and haven’t felt anything like it since. 

I remember crying in my tent, still very much in shock from our experiences on the mountain. The tears weren’t because of what had physically happened on the mountain during the quake.  Rather, the tears flowed because I knew in my heart that I was absolutely terrified to stay in Nepal with all of the devastation, discomfort, unknowns and uncertainty. In the same breath, I knew without a shadow of doubt that I had to stay and that I was going to stay. Reconciling this fear with an overwhelming sense of purpose drew upon every bit of strength that I’d developed in my ‘mountaineering journey’, and using that strength to give back. To fulfill a calling that I simply could never have denied. So I stayed.

I became physically and emotionally involved in on-the-ground relief work both in Kathmandu and in the Khumbu region. I helped mobilise fundraising activities, working closely with several local and international charities. I learned firsthand about resilience, compassion, empathy, generosity, and kindness from some of the best teachers. I found incredible mentors who kindly took me under their wing and became like family.  

I felt I had a true purpose and that in embracing uncertainty, following my heart, and moving beyond a ‘fear of failure’ or following what I’d created as an artificial ‘pre-determined path’ had helped me to connect with what had truly fuelled me all along. And I don’t think that I’ve ever felt more secure or self-aware as a result – in an environment that could not have been more chaotic. During this time, mountains summits were never far from my thoughts but they no longer defined me or what I was truly capable of. 

When passion and purpose collide...

The earthquake never stopped me from climbing. It did however prompt a refocus and recalibration. Since 2015 I’ve continued to follow my passion for the mountains, climbing in Nepal and more recently in Canada and Alaska. But my focus and sense of ‘purpose’ has definitely become more defined and I no longer get the same ‘buzz’ off of a summit goal. The summit is for the ego. 

What I’ve learned is deeper and purpose-driven, from the ‘soul’ and from the heart. I now know that I climb for the people and the journey – sharing the experiences with others, and subsequently prodding, instigating and enabling others to ‘unlock’ their own stories and fulfil their own dreams - whether in a mountaineering environment or in life more broadly. 

Sometimes this is tactical – e.g. “How do you use a jumar? What’s the best down jacket? What’s the best training for an 8000’er.”  And sometimes, it’s about motivating people to realise their own journeys by prompting them to ‘check in,’ and understand what is truly stopping them from achieving their dreams. “What’s stopping you from going to Base Camp? Why don’t you ask for the time off? The worst your boss can say is, ‘no’, and removing self-doubt “Of course you can do it!” 

I’m grateful to organisations like Arc’teryx who have provided regular platforms to do this and supported me in sharing this narrative.  And I’m incredibly proud of those who use these forums as inspiration and prompts to, ‘say yes’. You know who you are!

So where am I ‘at’?

Like clockwork for the past 10 years, I find myself “at” the same place. That is, looking ahead to the pre-monsoon Himalayan climbing season asking myself “What am I going to climb this year… and why?” Whilst the more tactical aspects of Spring climbing plans are at the forefront of my mind, I continue to hold tight to aligning purpose and passion. 

In a world so heavily influenced by social media it’s easy to become distracted and portray an image that isn’t me or present a diluted version of what drives me or what my values are. Hence why my friends’ check-in was so well timed and gratefully received. 

I have a few exciting projects underway (my fingers tingle with energy as I type!).  Projects that have been developing in my mind for a while and that have engaged the imaginations and support of an incredible community of friends. 

So much of life is about leaning into the unknown. It’s about growth - moving toward people and moments you can’t predict the outcome of... A delicate balancing act of finding comfort in discomfort in a world that’s dynamic and constantly changing. It’s about adapting and making choices - some clear, some a bit foggier - that encourage us to move closer to the truth of who we are. This is something that I’m learning as I get older - and arguably wiser! 

I’m learning to trust in this truth. Owning it. Living it and breathing it. I’m not going to lie, it still feels like struggle to understand who I am and what I want but I have to remind myself that I’m forging a new path. Regularly asking myself, “what s ‘serving’ me and the world? What puts fire in my soul?” I’m learning that if something doesn’t feel right, to move on. I’m learning to follow my heart and my instincts. More often than not, they’re right…   

Thanks to prompts like, ‘Where are you “at”’, I’m learning to “check in.”  My inner compass is a measure. I have so much gratitude for an amazing tribe of people who help me to do this – because sometimes that inner compass needs a tiny bit of tweaking and recalibration.

When was the last time you checked in with yourself or with a friend and asked where you’re ‘at’? 

A small but simple gesture.

There are many days when I wonder what I’m doing and why - but then I stop, take a deep breath and pause. And I feel the growth and I'm excited where the adventure will lead….


Thanks for reading... xx